Libra: SEXTALK

Cabanel, The Birth of Venus
Cabanel, The Birth of Venus

Venus in Furs

Alright, it’s the moment you were waiting for… Libra’s are damn sexy. Ruled by Venus, they know what it means to be feminine, receptive, seductive, and wanton. They possess a willing and accommodating demeanor that drives people crazy. They’re also the sign of relationships, and know how to stick by someone (lover or friend) with the utmost commitment. They are an air sign so they excel at communication, are very adaptive, and live to please. They will try anything once, trusting in their partner’s judgment. They tend to be rather private about matters between the sheets, so if you know a Libra that you just couldn’t imagine being a harlot… Think again! ūüėČ

Libras play “cute” till it’s dead. They are the proverbial little girl, and it is in relationships that they can release their inner child. Within the safety of the relationship, Libra can feel that deep (somewhat parental)¬†bond that she so misses from childhood. The merging between lovers gives her that sense of safety and allows her to let go and submit to her partner’s energy. And this is what the Libra loves most of all – finally being allowed to fully submit to being engulfed by another. It becomes a spiritual, primal , dissolving experience; Encompassing¬†the oneness of birth, life, and death… and ultimately, the oneness of us all.

This is the gift of Venus.

Libra: 0 Shades of Grey

The Delicate Balance

Another aspect we touched on earlier is Morality. The scales are a symbol for Justice. And a natural counterpart to Justice is of course Injustice. Ah, the dance between Good and Evil.

A real compulsion grips the Libra when concerning fairness. It is a na√Įve yet admirable quality to have ‚Äď this perhaps childish notion that life and everything in it deserves to be fair and just. No matter how they start out in life, what trials they go through, the Libra always keeps in her heart the promise that things will work out fairly in the end, somehow. The heavens have decreed it. But get out of the room if you catch Libra in a situation that she deems unfair. Hissing, spitting, crying, pleading ‚Äď all of it are within the realm of her reactions when the scales are tipped the wrong way. We all see Libras as this perennial flower, delicate and yielding to the elements, bending with the breezes. But you dump snow on that flower in May? Get out, get out now. Libra, being a smarty air sign fueled by creativity (Venus), can think up a lot of different ways to be cutting and critical, quick and judgmental, or cold and dismissive. They, after all, have the very Heavens on their side, gifting them with the shrewd ability to discern right from wrong.

Except when life can’t be pieced together in dichotomies or easily separated into opposites…

This balancing of the scales, this seeing in shades of colour rather than just black and white, will be Libra’s lifelong journey. Like Gemini, they operate in dualities. But where Gemini can impartially see both sides of the argument, understanding both extremes quite well, Libra takes sides, straps on her Angel wings and preaches her lofty anthems.

That being said, obviously there are some fantastically awesome traits that come from this way of seeing the world, too! Noble Libra will be the first (along with Aquarius) to stand up for a victim and make sure they know they were not at fault. Where some will feel awkward having those hard conversations like ‚ÄúNo one deserves to be treated like that, what they did was wrong‚ÄĚ, Libra courageously steps up to the plate. She is able to intimately connect with someone immediately in this way, gaining trust and helping to heal. She will always stand up for the wronged, and everyone needs that confident compassionate voice behind them when they feel like they are nothing. In fact, coming to the defense of others is one thing that Libra will do all on her own, not swayed by those around her. This is her special area of expertise and she does not need any help deciding for herself between right and wrong.

Tips for Balancing out The Scales

1. Take time alone to figure out your feelings, separate from the influence of those around you.

2. Draw strong boundaries with others in what you will, and wont do to make them happy.

3. Consider the motivations of someone you dislike. Keep digging deeper until you have reached a compassionate understanding that is no longer about “good” or “bad”.

4. Meditate on Paradoxes. This will frustrate you. (What is the sound of one hand clapping… if a tree falls in the woods and no one’s there to hear it, does it make a sound…. Do these questions have more than one answer?)¬†Look up some¬†Zen Buddhist koans, they’re fun.

5. Say something that isn’t agreeable, once a week. ūüôā

Libra: Annoyingly Loveable

'Duff said.
‘Duff said.

                     

The female Libra is one of those people you can’t possibly hate.

…Don’t you just hate that!?

From Prostration to Martyrdom, Libras have it all!

If you’ve ever had a Libra friend or partner, you have experienced their dewy-eyed reverence of your best and worst traits. They are experts at making others feel capable, knowledgeable, and worthy. They constantly neglect their own needs, skills, talents, and yearnings, focusing instead on building up those same things in other people (especially a partner). She will down play her own achievements in order to lift others up.  It is because Libra is the sign of partnerships that this is so typical. On one end of the scales, Libra has true integrity, compassion, and empathy. On the other, there is a fear of abandonment; She feels she must always be focusing on the other person in order to keep them around. She needs to feel useful to feel lovable.

Because Libra spends so much time focusing on others over herself, she naturally starts to believe that everything other people do is somehow also related to her. This is a coping strategy for loss of identity (sense of self). Libra finds herself always on the outskirts of importance, something that she herself has created through her compulsion to find self-worth in doing good deeds for others. Inevitably her identity slowly starts to merge with all those she is ‚Äėhelping‚Äô. And if Libra helps everyone, goes out of her way to be kind and gentle and supportive to the majority of the population within a 100km radius (and she does)‚Ķ well, this is going to cause her Ego (sense of identity) to merge with all of them, too.

So you see how easy it is for chipper Libra to internalize everyone else‚Äôs thoughts, feelings, and actions. She looks outwardly at other people, and sees a mirror for herself. This gives her a sense of security because she feels that others will always be more stable and in control than she. In her mind, she might as well pawn out her soul so that it can reside somewhere safer, where the walls are stronger. The downfall of this mechanism is that she becomes victim to the whims and often nonsensical ups and downs of other people‚Äôs lives. One moment she might be praised (indicative of her positive self-worth), the next moment she might receive criticism or (heaven forbid) ambivalence, which she interprets as sheer rejection or total abandonment. Since she is used to living her life through others, she also comes to think she is an expert interpreter and predictor of people. Contrary to what she believes, Libra cannot fully understand the minds and hearts of other people ‚Äď only herself (and that is a feat in its own right, for anyone!). ¬†And so when someone does something out of character, or different from who she thought she was, the glass house falls. There comes a terrible bitter backlash from Libra, a righteous indignation that seethes just under that sweet soft veneer. ‚ÄėHow could they do this? It doesn‚Äôt make sense! That‚Äôs just immoral‚Ķ that‚Äôs not something people should be capable of‚Ķ I thought they were better than that‚Ķ I have been conned‚Ķ I have been totally fooled!…‚Äô¬† And it goes on and on, over and over in their heads, burdening their sensitive souls with confusion, existential doubt, and incessant non-specific worrying.

But the reality of the situation is: That’s not something you would do. Aye, there’s the rub. There’s two people in that equation, you and someone else. If Libra learns to separate out her thoughts, feelings and ideals from another person’s, she won’t always be living on this rollercoaster, swooping between intimate love and life threatening betrayal.

Another issue with this flavor of co-dependence is that other people become an extension or representation of herself.

Basically, this is a really weird way of saying Libras are self-centered, but their sense of self is actually placed in other people.

*Mind …BLOWN*

All actions of other people will be interpreted personally: The twitch of a mouth, the sarcasm from a waiter, an innocent joke, a glare from that woman in line at the grocery store… This is a huge problem, clearly, because *spoiler alert!*

It’s not always about you!!

The truth of the matter is, nobody usually realizes how their internal lives are playing out in public through their faces, body language, tone of voice, pupil dialation, etc. Libra, you’re not important enough in the lives of strangers to garner any hostility, resentment, disrespect, or rudeness. Interpreting negative things as being about you, or because of you, is yet another way to feel important in your own life when you’ve given away your own power to others. You know no other way to get your needs met in an environment where you put others first, and often this (as well as other behaviors such as playing the victim or hypochondriasis) is a subconscious plea to balance out the giving and receiving in your life. Libras often give of themselves well past the point of exhaustion, and then become embittered when little acknowledgment is given for the resulting martyrdom.

The crazy thing is, you can totally handle having personal power! You handle other people’s personal power all the time. Granted, it’s safe because it’s not actually your life it’s affecting, but you do it every day. You’re really good at it. It may seem scary, but if you did take back your personal power and implement it into your own life, you’d totally own that sh*t.

SO multi-talented is the Libra woman. She has to be, what with all the diverse people she draws into her sphere. Just think about all the things Libra has done for other people, how she’s adapted to a myriad of situations, all of the stuff she’s figured out how to do through sheer will and determination, just to help someone else…. Now imagine if she utilized those things in her own life! Wow!

You see where I’m going with this.

Pisces: 50 Shades Ain’t Got Nothin’

Please Mistress, I want some more….

Having control is not a Pisces strong suit. They hate it. They want to be safe, and they want to do their own thing. The thought of exercising willpower, emotional regulation, and decision-making make their eyes roll into oblivion. Nothing could be more boring. Pisces men love to have the fa√ßade of control as a defense mechanism, but underneath it all, they actually crave leadership. They want to finally let go and give in to their secret soul urges, their dark inner demands, and of course their addictions. But if they do, who will control their world while they’re gone?

Power exchange, whether in a romantic relationship, in Kink, or both, is something the Pisces man is drawn to. To be overpowered by someone they respect and idolize feeds their need for fantasy, idealism, loss of control, and interestingly, safety. Pisces is also happiest when in service Рespecially to a partner; It is fitting that their zodiac sign is that of the rescuer. They get a great deal of self-esteem from giving, helping, and impressing. They need only a little validation and they are satisfied. So for the heterosexual male, acquiring someone akin to a Mistress is the perfect marriage of Domination & Service.

The escape from reality that submission gives a Pisces man is like no other. The fish is allowed to be an animal once again, and his earthly needs are for a moment, forgotten. He hands his life over to his dominatrix woman (this could be a dominant partner, or a real dominatrix), and lets go both emotionally and sexually. The Pisces lover is (sometimes surprisingly) insatiable, especially if he opts for sexual connection over an emotional connection. Often it is easier getting one’s connection needs met through sex, as it does not require so much time, commitment, or emotional investment. Dramatic sexual affairs are the bread and butter of a Piscean love-life. And no where is this more striking than in a kinky liaison with a nameless Mistress. These men have extreme relationships on the down-low,¬†and balance it out with stability in other mundane areas of their lives. If this is not the case, and they become¬†obsessed with the¬†altered state of submission, Pisces man could¬†submerge himself more deeply in that lifestyle and abandon his mundane life altogether. And why not, it’s fun. ūüôā

*Whip Crack!*

Pisces: How to Date Him

The Slippery Fish – How TO and NOT to net a Piscean

When embarking on a new relationship, Pisces may feel ready intellectually – they may go on dates and have fun meeting new people. However when they find someone they really connect with, it’s a whole other ballgame. This jolts the unwitting Pisces into an emotional realm that he thought he’d already past – a deeper connection triggers these emotional memories and blindsides him with anxiety and doubt. Perhaps he was not ready emotionally for a new relationship, and when he finds a partner he feels serious about, he is shocked by his own reaction. To the partner, it seems as though Pisces was all in – and then suddenly they pull back in horror. The partner of course blames themselves, and thinks ‘he’s just not that into you’. This couldn’t be further from the truth, but Pisces needs time and patience to coax out that timid fishy.

Because Pisces is a water sign, and a fish no less, he can be pretty slippery and hard to catch. The key, like with any animal, is to gain his trust through patience and time. Fish should not be cornered, tossed on land out of their comfort zone, or boiled on the stove through intimidation or demands. You cannot control the fish at first, you must let him swim to you. (You can DEFINITELY control a Pisces once you’ve got him, but that’s a story I will get¬†to later…)

Things that will NOT work when courting a Piscean man:

-Calling or texting too frequently

-Any kind of desperation or neediness

-Controlling behavior such as demanding he be on time for things (he will do everything NOT to, trust me…), trying to get him to define the relationship, or attempts to¬†limit his freedom (asking for too much information about where he goes and what he does).

-Aggressive behavior such as arguing, baiting, passive aggression, or manipulation (fairly obvious, I know, but… you never know!)

Things that WILL work when courting a Piscean:

-Showing your vulnerable side

-Inviting him to express his emotions – show safety by practicing non-judgment and active listening

-Expressing your emotional intelligence through knowing thyself

-Patience – Allowing the relationship to unfold slowly and naturally

-Being a great friend!

Pisces: Devoid of Emotion or Secretly Cuddly

The Sentimental Suck vs The Macho Man… Do we really buy it?

DISCLAIMER: There really are a growing number of men out there who are comfortable with their sensitivity. So for these, this next section may not jive. Times are changing! ūüôā

We’ve all known men who are sexy, dominant, forthright people with enough balls to call it like it is and ruffle a few feathers. Oh, but then there’s also the ones who try to do that… and well, that’s just not pretty.

So Pisces, do we think¬†you’re Macho? Let’s take a look…

Pisces is the sign of sensitivity, along with Cancer. In men, this often isn’t a happy place to be in, because:

1) society doesn’t condone men being emotional.

2) society hasn’t taught men how to deal with their emotions at all.

3) society pushes men to act assertive, dominant, and dickish.

For some men (Aries I’m looking at you), this stereotyping is more or less doable. These outward-directed (often fire-) signs have an easier time conforming to male societal norms.

My colleague K. Catherwood puts it perfectly:

“Fire signs are in a way just as emotional as the water signs, but they are short-lived emotions which they express immediately, and usually in a combative, aggressive and/or violent way which could be yelling, fighting, or even playing an aggressive sport. A lot of¬†men do filter their emotions through sports because that sort of emotional behavior IS condoned by society, and in fact is considered admirable. But the water signs type of emotion is directed inward, and consists of deeper, longer lasting emotions, and thus it dwells inside. They usually try to express their emotions through sporty things, but find it isn’t enough, and then that’s when they¬†get confused and act out.”

So¬†for the water signs, there is simply no road map to follow. They often turn their backs on their emotional sensitive nature (from being hurt so much in the past),¬†turn up their defenses, and “act” macho. **We see this with Libras, too, for the record. It’s never easy being a man ruled by Venus… it makes for a jumble of contradictions and compulsions in today’s society –¬†quite similar to the water signs’ plight.

But there’s something so obvious about a Beta male posturing as an Alpha. Pisces, there’s nothing wrong with being a Beta. And to some lovely partner of yours, you could still be an Alpha! But there’s no use trying to be something you’re not. We get it – you’re a man. We also get that you’re a super sensitive suck and it’s adorable.

There is something so beautiful about a man who lets his creative, sensual, sensitive nature flourish and come alive unabashedly. This is the wonderful potential in the Pisces man. Their minds are so quick, coming up with new ideas every minute. Whole projects are completed in their minds but few allow their creative impulses to be expressed. If unhealthily dammed, the Fish becomes a mudfish, and wallows around in his own ambivalence. If he has creative and emotional¬†outlets, Pisces’ multitude of ideas come to life in various forms of art, craft, and even construction! This is clich√©… but Jesus was a carpenter, and apparently he was a Pisces too. These men¬†love building whether it is literally with wood and nails, or figuratively¬†with communities and social work.

So do we buy Pisces’¬†persona of in-control cool guy? Probably not.¬†We think you’re cute for¬†being you. And even though you put on a lavish display of machismo,¬†¬†we still see you as a softie.

And that’s beautiful.

Pisces: Love Hurts… So Good!

Pisces in Love: First loves Die Hard…with a Vengeance!

Yes, Bruce Willis is a Pisces. It's awesome. Get used to it.
Yes, Bruce Willis is a Pisces. It’s awesome. Get used to it.

Forgets nothing, romanticizes everything –¬†the Pisces man holds a candle for every love interest that has crossed his path– But some more than others…

Ruled by Neptune, Pisces has a lush imagination, and an active fantasy life. This can be both his salvation and his undoing. When looking back on his past partners, he remembers the events and people, but he imbues the past with a powerful tangible nostalgia that yanks on his heartstrings with every musing. The emotions of the past are coloured with ideals of the present, creating a different version of what really happened. Instead of remembering an abusive relationship as painful and grief-stricken, Pisces will look back with melancholy, and a yearning for the power and passion that they once had. He will remember the bad times but feel them as if they were the height of a love affair, and masochistically go back to those times in his mind when he is bored in his current relationship, or when no relationship exists. He will wonder why love has lost its power in his present life, power and meaning that he once grasped, in an inferno of all-consuming passion. In reality, this past relationship was unhealthy, draining, painful, and addictive (as if Pisces’ middle name wasn’t Addiction…) But Pisces is always looking for something more, something to conquer the material plane and vault him into the skies. He is looking for a transcendent experience, a spiritual connection to free him from earthly bonds and commune with All That Is (God, the Universe, the Heavens, etc).

Pisces is forever looking for a permanent solution to the temporary state of altered consciousness.

And because the past is so objective, so malleable and mysterious, he can imagine his past just the same as he would imagine his future. The past is no longer here, and not held to the rigid laws of the Present. One thing about one’s imagination is that it has liberty to alter, embellish,¬†reinvent, or reinterpret¬†everything but the present. The present is governed by perspective, which is built up¬†from experiences¬†in one’s past. This has been demonstrated when two people reminisce over¬†a shared¬†past, and they find themselves in disagreement about various details. Pisces’ current perspective, as well as his notions¬†about his past are all influenced by this phenomenon, and this is the cause of his lack of accurate memory recall in regard to his relationships.

This obviously makes him a romantic, always looking back with nostalgia. But this also causes him to seek out more of what he used to have (or what he thought he used to have) in present relationships. This gets him into quite the pickle, considering what he is searching for is a warped emotional memory Рa figment of his imagination. Sad but true, the Pisces may never find that perfect soul relationship if he does not start looking into the future with  fresh new eyes.

So old flames do Die Hard for Pisces, and the memories of each past love are revisited often. Pisces man might even keep in contact with one or two special flames, just so he can call them up and bask in the memories of what has been, and muse about the “what ifs” of the future. The only problem with this is that Pisces likely does not take this musing overly seriously; it’s just a lovely fantasy to indulge in when things are getting mundane. However the old flames might take his words more seriously and this can lead to mixed messages and confusion. Another aspect of holding a candle for past lovers is the Vengeance side mentioned in the heading. Like all water signs, a Pisces never forgets. If he has been slighted, humiliated, hurt, cast aside, or emasculated, he will forever have that chip on his shoulder. It is his duty and his right to feel that way, and his way of taking back¬†control¬†from what was out of his control in the past.¬†He hangs on to grudges, or simply keeps a secret memory store of all those who have wronged him. This¬†allows him to balance out the pain that this¬†person has caused by inflicting intangible evils back on them. That way, he can always keep his status of ‘on top’ or ‘in control’, and his victimhood is rarely discovered. Then again, do we really believe his bluffs? Or do others all too easily see through this defense, to the sensitive creature on the inside.

One thing about fish, their scales have a translucent quality; Can we can see through their veiled surface, or is it an illusion? Blink, and we can lose sight of them, for they are quick and mysterious.